Scriptures for Going No Contact with Your Parents
Do you have a toxic relationship with your parents that is unsafe and unfixable?
Do you get violently sideswiped by "I Am a Child of God" or "Families Can Be Together Forever," too?
You're not alone in that.
My parents haven't really been parents to me since I was 12 years old. I was No Contact with my dad once he went to jail and we never reconciled before he died. I'm currently No Contact with my mom because she is a profoundly unsafe person, who now lives in a constant state of delusion and paranoia from all the drugs she has done in her life. Her refusal to get help and how badly she has treated me during her mental health crises throughout my life has destroyed our relationship. I made very deliberate choices as an adult to keep her at a safe distance from me, even before I finally went no contact.
God doesn't give everyone who has ever lived a loving and functional family. It doesn't mean he loves you less. It doesn't mean you don't matter, or you don't deserve better.
If you need some scriptures to remind yourself of that, hold onto these:
- Psalm 27:10
- Matthew 10:36, 12:46-50, John 7:5
- Ephesians 6:4. This one is especially important if you have trauma surrounding "Honor thy Father and Mother." The mandate to follow this commandment (especially in a deferential traditional sense) is conditional on verse 4, a fact that some people like to conveniently ignore.
- 1 Nephi 21:15-16
You're allowed to be disappointed in your parents. God is not going to be upset with you for that. He's certainly not going to punish you for it, and being in conflict with your family is not in and of itself a divine punishment.
Take care of yourself. Know you're not alone in what you're going through. There are others at Church going through the same or similar things, even if you can't see it. And Jesus knows exactly how you feel, even in this. His family also didn't always understand or support him in who God made him to be. He existed in a state of conflict with his brothers for a season, a fact the scriptures acknowledge openly.
Why is this happening to you? Because it can happen to anyone. None of us are promised a perfect family that always gets along. Sometimes it'll have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the choices other people make to choose conflict over love, coercion over connection. That's not your fault.
Found family happens in the Church. If you need some found family, your congregation is a great place to invest in some. Online spaces can be a great place for it, too.
The healing that is needed for the recovery of some relationships won't come until heaven. If you're waiting for that day, you're in good company. Keep your chin up and be strong! We'll get through this together.
