Words Matter: Pronouns
Our lesson in Relief Society today was on Words Matter by Ronald A. Rasband. It was taught by our Relief Society president.
One of the sisters brought up a conversation she had with her daughter about pronouns, being confused about it, and trying to understand and ask questions. She talks about her relationship with her daughter a lot and how she wants to understand and love her as her daughter navigates her place in the world. When her mother was trying to understand how to decouple personal pronouns from a person's genitalia, that this isn't how pronoun choices work, her daughter took offense and shut down the conversation.
It's a one-sided version of the story, of course. My sense, however, from hearing this Sister speak many times is that she leans towards more inclusion, rather than less. I think it's reasonable to think she was trying to understand and doesn't know how to have the conversation.
The Relief Society president, trying not to give space for any disagreement or contention on the subject, said she didn't want to dig deeper into that complex subject in that moment, but that we as members should always do our best not to give or take offense.
It's a difficult subject in a lesson full of grandmothers, which was the primary audience here. Distilling down pronoun use into the invitation not to give or take offense, especially when handling new and unfamiliar subjects, is probably what they were most prepared to receive in that moment. And I deeply appreciate how well our Relief Society president handled the situation.
Never take for granted what others in your church congregations understand, or assume they don't have a desire to understand. There are those who want to understand, and who will bring incorrect understanding they've absorbed throughout life and need guidance on how to understand correctly. They may use verbiage and ask questions now considered offensive. They're more open to correction than you might realize. And if they can't go to you to obtain that understanding, you leave them to go elsewhere to obtain it.
Never be so quick to correct and take offense that you squander an opportunity to create understanding. Imagine if this Sister had been able to say that even if you don't understand someone's pronouns, respecting what someone wants to be called is a kind thing to do. Instead, she came to us with questions that couldn't fully be answered in that moment.
Nevertheless, I appreciate that a Sister was able to bring this subject to a discussion to get guidance, and she got something of worth. The Relief Society president may or may not know the intricacies of gender in the LGBTQIA+ community, but she understands kindness. She understands the importance of creating unity for those who think and feel differently on a variety of subjects. I was deeply impressed by how masterfully she handled this.
Trust the capacity of Sisters in your wards and branches to be wise and loving, caring and kind. Trust them to be capable of preserving dignity and respect in our meetings. And trust that they receive revelation in difficult moments and on sensitive subjects in the moments when they're needed, exactly as they're needed.
