The Nature of Change

Here's an unpopular opinion I'm attempting to address. 

When you're at an impasse in your relationship with the Church, you have two choices: stay and fix their problems or leave and fix your own

Both choices are valid. Both choices are necessary. But we really need to keep it straight that choosing the second doesn't have any of the same impact of the first. People who leave don't "change anything" at church. Only people who stay can do that.

When I left, nothing changed. I didn't expect it to. That wasn't the point of why I left. I left to completely separate my problems from the Church's problems because their problems were all consuming and crushing me. 

To say people who leave have this ability also implies they have some obligation to be making the Church better. If pushing some Sisyphean rock up the hill for eternity is how you cope with your life, go for it. But don't expect anyone else to join you.

 * * *

Upon further reflection and discussion, I would like to amend this position. Whether you stay and try to fix the Church from within, or leave and move on from it, both are so full of unintended, unforeseeable consequences that there's truly no way of knowing what your impact will be.

So whether you say "I left because my efforts to change things made no difference" or "I stay because I'm making a positive difference," both are unknowable because we're all part of a story that has no ending, no final resolution.

We are all unfinished beings, dealing with the intended and unintended consequences of what we've chosen. We are all trying to find the combination of consequences we can live with.

Maybe all we can do is assume people are doing their best with their impact, whether they stay or go. We all have different reasons we've lost or kept hope. Honoring each other in the struggle either way may be the only choice that actually heals and brings peace to anyone.