Complementarianism

This is not a post advocating for female ordination within the church. However, I can't stop you from going there if you choose to do so because this is a post about why motherhood is a poor substitute for real institutional impact within the Church.

It's no secret to most people within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that we have couched a lot of our doctrine in complementarian gender roles. Women raise and care for children. Men hold the majority of the ecclesiastical responsibility.

 

Source: Creation of Eve, Rose Datoc Dall

 

While men can venture into our so-called territory with child-rearing (male Primary leaders, gender neutral parenting), women do not have the same ability to cross into ecclesiastical/administrative territory within the institutional church. The only way for me, as a woman, to achieve that kind of ecclesiastical influence is to be invited to serve there by a man in leadership, or to be married to a man who is given that kind of responsibility.

And here are my issues with my side of that complementary coin: 

1. At no point did I choose to have my influence limited like this. It has been chosen and perpetuated for me by the male leaders of my church. 
2. Motherhood gives me no real institutional or ecclesiastical influence within the church, outside of taking care of other people's kids.
3. It leaves me with nothing of real substance to do when it turns out I can't have children of my own, except to take care of other people's kids. I'm tired of it.

Complementary gender roles, and our resulting eroded institutional influence, do not serve all women within the Church. They only serve women who are married with children. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know how well this institutional structure serves them and their needs either.

As a woman in this church under the institutional structure we have now, there is no calling or position I can hold where I will be truly equal with my bishop. He will always have an influence over me and my membership I will never hold over him. The same thing can be said of other members of the bishopric, the stake presidency, seventies, the Quorum of the Twelve and the First Presidency. They do not have female counterparts with the same institutional access they have.

If you have the ability to exercise influence over my life that I have absolutely no chance of exercising over yours, that is the definition of inequality. It doesn't matter if the men in those positions are trustworthy and benevolent. I have no ability to be a real equal to them.

Imagine what the Church would be like if women had the same ability as men to oversee the financial functions of our wards and stakes. We give our money willingly to the church in tithes and offerings. We have no institutional influence to determine how it is spent.

Imagine if men were accountable to women in disciplinary hearings, the same way we are to them. How many predatory men wouldn't be in the Church today if women had that kind of institutional influence?

 

Imagine if women could issue callings in the Church, without every decision about who is "available" and "off limits" being run through a single man! Imagine if women had the same ability to say "No" and have it make a difference in ecclesiastical outcomes.

Imagine what meetings would be like in the Church if they were run by women instead of men. What ideas would be heard? What names would be remembered? Whose voices would be elevated above the din of blowhards who insist on hearing themselves talk?

Imagine if having children didn't automatically disqualify smart, capable women from the administrative positions in the church. Imagine if they could decide for themselves what their service in the church should look like.

Imagine if motherhood wasn't lifted up as some kind of consolation prize for unmarried, childless women. Imagine if the good they could do was reason enough to give them opportunities

Like I said, I think the discussion of female ordination can be separate from the kind of institutional changes I'm talking about. I don't care if I'm ever ordained to the priesthood. I've already seen from administering temple ordinances that I don't need it to participate in God's work.

But that lack of ordination is no excuse for the administrative functions that are withheld from women in the Church because of their gender. The lack of male accountability to us is unacceptable. It's a breeding ground for unrighteous dominion, which too many of us experience.

It is not asking to much to be treated as an equal in my church. It is not wrong to point to the organizational structure, a man-made creation, and say it isn't enough. It is no sin to say I want more from my church membership than this.

I believe women in this church have power and potential to do many amazing things to build the kingdom. And until men make spaces for us at the table, they will never see it. 

Why? 

Because ability is useless without opportunity to use it.