#MeToo

I didn't say "No." But kicking, screaming, crying, and shoving you off of me doesn't mean "Yes."

I didn't tell anyone that my high school boyfriend raped me. Not because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me, but because I knew they would. No one, and I truly mean no one, in my life liked this boy. He was arrogant and conceited. I was questioned by everyone, told repeatedly, and warned to stay away from him.

But I was fourteen years old. I didn't listen to anyone. And then they were right. They had all been right, all along. Every adult in my life lined up to give me the classic "I told you so." I had been manipulated and coerced so many times, I barely saw myself as a person anymore. My self esteem was completely destroyed. And the adults in my life were too busy congratulating themselves on being right to question how much damage he had done.

So I never told anyone. 

I carried that burden invisibly for more than a decade. 

I didn't have to face it until I was married, when having sex with my husband was giving me panic attacks. 

I was a child when this happened to me. I didn't understand what rape was. I didn't understand consent. And it was only looking back as an adult that I realized how vulnerable I had been to an older person who wanted to take advantage of me. Had I understood what consent was, I would have recognized rape for what it was. I would have told the adults in my life what had happened to me. And they would have believed me.

You can have the best support system in the world and still suffer in silence because of rape. You cannot rely on a support system if you don't understand that you need it. 

Regardless of your feelings on how sex should or shouldn't be taught, in or out of a religious context, everyone needs to be educated about the importance of consent. Teaching abstinence does not excuse anyone from teaching about consent. And since the refusal to give consent is at the heart of choosing abstinence, you cannot teach abstinence without effectively teaching about consent. It's a knowledge and skill set every child needs. 

 Every person, especially those who are religious and conservative, should care about consent. It's the only moral choice there is, regardless of who you are.